“When you open yourself to the continually changing, impermanent, dynamic nature of your own being and of reality, you increase your capacity to love and care about other people and your capacity to not be afraid. You’re able to keep your eyes open, your heart open, and your mind open. And you notice when you get caught up in prejudice, bias, and aggression. You develop an enthusiasm for no longer watering those negative seeds, from now until the day you die. And, you begin to think of your life as offering endless opportunities to start to do things differently.”
― Pema Chödrön, Practicing Peace in Times of War
From Sun to Snow –
When I think about what it took to move it Boulder I am overwhelmed with mixed emotions ranging from fear, excitement, courage and love. 3 years ago I visited Boulder for the first time and instantly fell in love. The mountains, the people, the small town charm that is still city enough and only 25 miles away from a major metropolitan city, Denver. I knew I would move here, I just didn’t know how or when. I kept putting it off by listening to the voice that says “later”. Every year I visited Boulder the call got stronger and stronger. Why? What is it about this place that speaks to me so deeply?
Was it the strength that the Flatirons possessed, the wide open spaces of vast land surrounding the city, the spiritual community and eco conscious lifestyle that seems to take precedence in everyone’s lives. I have never been to a place where the emphasis on recycling, composting and reusable energy was such a part of the community. The people are so happy and so friendly and they have an overall joy about life and living in Boulder. When my visit was over and it was time to leave I always knew that one day I would return for good.
I had a string of misfortunate occurrences that prompted me to stop waiting and start living. In 6 days, my car had broken down, my house was broken in to, my music hard drive had crashed and my girlfriend ended our relationship. It was one if not the most trying times that I can remember. It was then that I knew it was time to head west. I can no longer live in Florida, I had to go to Boulder. My lease was already up so leaving my place was easy. I sold most of my things and furniture and stored the rest. I moved into my friend Jeff’s house for 3 months while my other friend Raymond babysat my 2 cats. I literally gave up everything, all my things, my animals and just kept what was necessary to live with at Jeff’s until it was time to move. It was very hard to leave my house, my animals and not have the support of my relationship any longer; thankfully I have the most amazing group of friends anyone could ask for. I went on retreat with Thay and by the time I was back home, I had found a place in Boulder. I was leaving Florida on November 23rd.
Jeff is like the older brother I never had. He is the person i’ve known the longest in Florida and he is always there for me. His partner Alex and he chose to drive with me cross country and help set up my new space. You find out who your friends are in these situations. We set sail and drove, drove, and drove some more. I could have a whole blog about that trip. We had a blast, it’s amazing to drive across the country. I recommend it at least once in your life. We arrive at my new spot and begin unloading, granted I didn’t have much. I literally only came with a 6 X12 Uhaul trailer. I took only what I needed and either gave away or sold the rest. It was extremely liberating to walk away from so many possessions. Often we define ourselves by our things instead of what’s inside us. You find out how strong you can be when you truly let go of people and things that no longer serve you.
Home, I am now home. As I sit on the floor of my empty living room writing this I can look out the window of my balcony and see the snow covered Flatirons. Something I have wanted for 3 years. I can feel my emotions pushing and pulling; sadness, excitement, joy and wonder. I feel the loneliness of not having my friends around but there is a greater presence of knowing I did the right thing that quietly overrides that feeling of sadness. This is a feeling that I know very well. I have moved my whole life. Born in Louisiana then moved to Dubai, Dubai to Aberdeen, Scotland back to Louisiana, to Florida and now home, Colorado. I can remember moving as a child the depression, anger and sadness that would come when my mom told me we where moving, again. I would have to start all over again, meet new people and try new things and although I hated going into it, it always made me stronger. This move is no different. I feel the sadness, I feel the loneliness but I know it will subside, it always does. I will meet new people, make new friends and try new things, I will grow, again. I think sometimes we are afraid of growth and change, afraid to let go of people, places and things that no longer serve us when in reality it always works out better in the long run. I don’t know what is next and what exactly Boulder is going to bring, but I do know that I am ready and willing to let go and receive what’s next.
What is it that you want or have wanted for a really long time? What are the stories that are stopping you? What would it take for you to pursue it? What are you waiting for ?